Thursday, August 10
Last week I had the opportunity to take advantage of one of the big pluses of academic life: flexibility in scheduling. A friend was in the area and I went to meet up with him in the middle of the day. How many other professionals can pull that off last minute like that?

I'd been flirting with this friend for a while already so it didn't take too long for one thing to lead to another and land us in a kissing marathon. Since you don't know much about me, it may be worth noting here that I'm not one for flings. If nothing else, I tend to believe that good sexual rapport requires some time and experience accrued with the other person. Given said belief, it doesn't seem worth it to get hot-n-heavy with someone you likely won't get to know well enough to make it really worth it.

But I was in for a pleasant awakening (pun intended). We just clicked.. I mean our lips and tongues did. It was great. It was clear it was mutually appreciated. A perfect summer afternoon.

So this whole thing started me thinking: why is kissing not more straight forward? I would not have noticed just how incredibly well it was going if I didn't have lesser experiences to compare to in my past. What makes some people bad kissers? What's so hard about it? (Of course, at this point you could say that perhaps some people in my past thought I was a bad kisser. It's possible. But not too likely for reasons I won't get into now.)

When you take the discussion a bit beyond kissing you could see differences emerging in what people will and will not do and their particular techniques. And I guess it comes down to techniques in kissing as well. But it just doesn't seem like there are that many possible variations so those who don't do it well, why don't they?

Except for our own experiences, it's hard to know how other people engage in sexual acts. Perhaps one discusses a few instances with close friends. But most of us don't know that much about what other people do. So it's really hard to know why or when you're particularly good or bad. And why or how frequently and how many others are good or bad.

People likely have different preferences and that probably explains a lot. Still, I'm curious, do you have both good and bad experiences in this domain? And how do some people manage to be bad at it while others are great? I'm particularly intrigued by the variation in kissing, but feel free to extend this discussion to other acts.

4 comments:

Clear said...

Perhaps you could get a foundation grant and study this in more detail. Especially because I imagine there would be a great market out there for a trade book detailing effective and ineffective kissing praxis and variation in judgment of said effectiveness across persons.

Orange Ina said...

In true academic fashion, Clear's comment has got me all anxious about how I should've probably looked up the literature regarding differences in kissing patterns before posting on the blog on this topic. But I thought blogging didn't require full-blown expertise and background research.

As for getting a grant for something that has trade-book appeal, that doesn't seem very likely. And I don't know if book publishers give research grants. But I wonder if a book advance could be considered as such. Interesting idea.

Mahogany said...

Orangina, I always figured that good kissing was a matter of empathic ability. I also believe that skill wouldn't matter nearly so much if we lived in a world where people, especially less powerful people, could make a friendly suggestion about technique without having to find new plans for the afternoon. (Oh look! I found an opportunity for good feminism on this blog! Thank Goddess, I was getting worried.) Glad your plans worked out well.

And I don't think Clear was trying to make you academicize your entry, I think he was suggesting that you devote a couple years to something fun--if it inspires you. Plus, it's my view that studying this question directly takes a feminist stance by speaking the unspoken things. The book would, then say, "You are a bad kisser! Please stop choking me." Or whatever. That seems, not only marketable, but important.

kodachrome said...

Oh! Uh... Codachrome would have nothing to say about this topic! (Is Wisteria in here anywhere? No? Well then, um. I'll just say that, er...) I think the grant is a great idea and I volunteer to help with the research. I didn't mean that. HONEST! That was just a quick reality check on all the issues the project would face. I still think it's a great idea, though.

You shouldn't worry that you didn't research some literature before posting. If the thoughts you posted here turn into a project, that's just one more success for a.secret! Whoopee. (Go Clear! (That sounds like a telecommunications ad.)

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