Sunday, September 17
Here's a post having nothing to do with academia. We've been told those are okay, right?

I'm trying out an online dating service and wondering: if you get an email from someone who doesn't sound like much of a match, is it better to simply ignore them or is it better to write a short little note thanking them for the contact, but saying that you're not interested?

At times like this, it can be helpful to think what you'd prefer. But I'm not sure. If I didn't hear back, I'd wonder. But if I did hear back only to read that the person's not interested, would that really help?

Would you rather be rejected in a cryptic manner (in which case you can always make up some other excuse) or would you rather be rejected outright?


jazzberry jam said...

i'd rather be rejected outright. otherwise i might be tempted to do something stupid like write the person AGAIN, you know, just to *make sure* they GOT the message, which would only make them like me less.

fraud, in denim said...

I agree with jj. I did the online dating sites years ago, and can't remember what I did in that particular situation, but I think it's best to just say it so they're not wondering why you're still on there if you haven't written them back.

Pumpkin said...

Me three. You'd be doing them a real service by writing-- a short note will save them so much time pondering the meaning of your silence.

And good for you for posting about non-academic things, by the way. It helps to remember that everyone else also has other things to think about occasionally!

Anonymous said...

As someone with online dating experience, rejection outright is better, although I would lie and use one of the stock ways of saying it isn't them even if it is about them.

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