Saturday, August 5
This is my first post here, so I hope it's good enough. Secret number one: I often don't think I'm good enough to be blogging.

Speaking about secrets, I gotta say I know a lot of them. In my department, I seem to always be wearing a shirt that says "Come spill your guts, I won't tell!"* See, I added the "*" because I usually tell. I am GREAT at keeping secrets. ....Unless I think that someone knowing that secret would be beneficial to the secret sharer. Or unless it's gossip. Or unless I think me telling you a secret will get you to tell me one beneficial to me. And I don't tell if it will hurt anyone.

Now I know what you're thinking. A) your colleagues must be dumb to trust you. I guarantee they are not. I am definitely the least intelligent. Well, maybe except one person. B) How do you know if telling will not hurt anyone? You aren't a psychic are you? Well no. But I am a pretty good judge of people, so I only share when I trust the other person.

Hmm, now to share a secret in vague terms. I can tell you which professor shares a room with their teenage child, which admin is secretly applying for a better job in another dept, why that post-doc really went to that other continent, which professor didn't have an affair with which former post-doc and which professor thinks that he did. But see, if I give any more details to make these secrets more juicy, I might compromise my caveats.

So instead, I will tell you a secret about myself: I am scared of tampons. Ok, that's not academic enough, I agree. I have napped in my office during the day when I was supposed to be meeting students.

Oh my gosh, please don't tell the drunk department head I told you that.

9 comments:

kodachrome said...

Pa ha ha ha ha! Try getting all that in a picture secret! Screw the t-shirt, I think you should hang out a shingle, exactly like the one Lucy on Peanuts had, but make everyone punch in and out. Make sure you post all their secrets here, and then turn in their timecards with your tenure file under "service". That should pretty much do it... Well maybe you could turn in the time as a total and mention in your letter that you can break that down by junior vs senior faculty or by individual "advisees" if they prefer. I think that should pretty much do it.

Welcome Strawberries. Sounds like you can provide us with a little soap opera. I'm looking forward to the next entry (except maybe the "sharing a room" thing. Ick!).

Orange Ina said...

Maybe they share a room, because they live in a one-room house/apt based on very low academic wages? Any other reason would definitely have to be an "Ick!".

Welcome, Strawberries! You're definitely good enough to be blogging, don't let that cause any anxiety. And I think the original invitation said that not all secrets had to be academic so that particular nugget wasn't off-topic.

I'm curious, what is it about tampons that scares you?

Clear said...

Welcome, Strawberries! I've added you to the sidebar. I'm looking forward to hearing more secrets from you.

I have never been able to nap successfully in my office. If I could, though, I would do it with abandon.

strawberries said...

koda -- if that counted as service i would be a shoe-in. can you imagine a non-tenured strawberry advising crotechty old tenured prof about his love life? how can that not be looked on as positive?!

orange -- actually, they live in quite a spacious multi-bedroom story home, and that's all i'll say about that.
and tampons, well, i don't think things are meant to stay in there. i mean babies, sure but that's a little higher up. anyway, i don't like foriegn objects in my body. and when i say "foriegn" i mean non human. and that's all i'm gonna say.

clear -- i would give you the keys to a good nap

strawberries said...

but then my secret would be revealed

(as you can see,the secret about my poor typing/blogger skills has already been compromised)

Orange Ina said...

First, can you either call me Orange Ina or Orangina? I'm not just Orange, assuming you were referring to me. (I'm not saying this in a scolding tone. It's a kind & friendly request.:)

Second, re tampons, that's interesting. My thought was, if a woman has never had intercourse with a man (or a toy or a female hand or something) then I could see tampons as problematic since it's unexplored territory in that sense. But once one has gotten over that step then it seems like just another "item". That said, it sounds like it's the permanency of it that bothers you (well, you phrased it as the non-humanity of it, but I'm taking the liberty to assume you thought the problem is that it stays). Then again, if it's really that it's non-human, is it correct to then leap to the conclusion that toys are out as well?

Uhm, I realize I've taken this discussion in a different direction, but there was so much in your post.:)

As for office naps, I'm with Clear on that one, I wish I could pull it off! I'm jealous.

strawberries said...

orangina, i am terribly sorry for calling you by the wrong name! i did the same to kodachrome, for which i apologize too -- i am lazy typer and also a tad dumb, as i couldn't figure out the how organe and ina went together. thank you for letting me know :o)

yes, so the tampons it is the permanency of it, not the fact that it is not human or alive, i kind of didn't want to bring the discussion there if not ok with all, etc. aside from TSS and stuff like that, i just think that the, how shall i say it, the cherries that come out of there need to come out, and not necessarily get absorbed mid-way. yah, i guess the whole keeping it in your body for awhile is just weird to me, though my friends who do use them extoll their qualities, i remain scared and pledge my undying love to always.

Turquoise Stuff said...

This tampon discussion could be interesting as a picture secret. Hmm...

kodachrome said...

Straw,
Follow me! I will lead you
...astray.
k/coda/chrome has no manners.
Sorry.
--------
But I *will* say that... um... let's see. I have a lot of respect for Orangina's defense of a body-positive/sex-positive view of the world, and, politically speaking, it's a good d*mned thing someone piped up with that, but um... "ICK!!!" Turquoise, oh, my.

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